Shawn Huelle

untitled (goallessness)

I feel very close to something, some elemental realization. I've felt this way before. And I know I'll never get there. But what is it I think it is? This time, I think it has to do with my spirituality, my connection to "god" and god within myself. The ability to perhaps control possibility on some level? And I know, I know there is no goal, no elementary realization, no knowledge that surpasses all understanding, and that is the realization (or that is the realization), but I want to always feel it, to move through the world with the deeply known feeling that nothing is enough. That nowhere is where we are and where we're going. There was a moment in the last few weeks when I felt/understood that I am living and have lived the life I want, that I have made the life I wanted, even though and/or because I haven't (yet) achieved the goals I've set for myself (because there is no goal (surely somewhere in English-language literature, there is an exploration of the ways in which goals are gaols)). Am I moving toward a fuller understanding of nothing? Is that even possible or desirable?