Shawn Huelle

the monster at the end of this post

Have you heard the one about why you can't ask ethnic minority X the time in the morning? Because they will spill coffee in their lap. Then a gesture wherein the right hand is held as though it is holding a cup of coffee and turned 90 degrees toward the body as though to look at a watch. Then the obvious question from a member of the audience: But who wears watches anymore? A valid question despite the fact that this small town boasts of/sustains at least one shop dedicated entirely to timepieces and also several jewelers. The German word for jewelry is Schmuck. Big signs that announce SCHMUCK! These days, only schmucks wear watches. The hip check their phones, any one of the several public clocks, or simply listen for the bells. Ethnic minority X is, of course, the same minority whose navy installed screen doors on its submarines. The lap drowns in hot liquid, the sailor in cold. In a sense, the semen is scalded, the seaman crushed. One wonders how ethnic minority X continues to reproduce at such a prodigious pace. Or even understand the jokes told about them; they never learn the language.

You have, through an unconscious mental algebra, solved for X, but your solution is not my solution. Perhaps you are better at math than I am. I always get stuck trying to balance the equation. I don't even know what that means. Please turn to the back of this blog for the solution. There, you will also find the answer to the question What is this blog about?, as well as a monster. That monster is Grover. Grover is the monster at the end of this blog. Ask him the time.