Shawn Huelle

Three Ton Coworker - Hot Teen Coworker

I used to own a porno film on VHS— The Devil in Miss Jones 2. It was quite a bit campier than the original (and classic), and contained a scene at the beginning with the titular Miss Jones in Hell, damned to an eternity of being unable to come, and trying desperately to get off on Cyrano de Bergerac's nose, which, because this was Hell, was a cock.

Nobody wants a cock nose.

I say "own," but really I borrowed it from someone and never gave it back.

I bought my first DVD player the very week DVD rentals surpassed VHS rentals.

I had a friend growing up who owned a Beta-Max machine. Together, we watched the Beatles film Let It Be and several episodes of a Monkees marathon MTV had aired one weekend.

I have not and will not spend money on a Blu-Ray player. My computer doesn't have an optical drive, and I don't miss it.

I have a hypothesis that Apple Computer's rise from the ashes in the late 90s was funded primarily by the porn industry. Consider: The iMac was an easily portable, all-in-one machine with photo, video, and sound editing software pre-installed. The iMac also made it ridiculously easy to get on the Internet, which, at the time, was enjoying its first boom.

Wikipedia tells me that the theme song to The Devil in Miss Jones 2 was sung by Johnny Hartman. I don't know what's more shocking about that statement: that Johnny Hartman recorded a theme song for a pornographic film, or that a pornographic film had a theme song that wasn't plunked out on a $50 Casio by somebody's nephew.

Johnny Fucking Hartman.

So is Jazz the Beta-Max to Pop's VHS? That would assume, I guess, that Pop is dead, which, of course, it isn't. And perhaps I shouldn't be so proud of not owning an optical drive.

In Act I of the play, Edmond Rostand says of Cyrano, "He's famous for his long . . . sword."